Creative Excess

I tend to run wild with ideas, get worried it will never work out, and drop it.
This needs to change, and hopefully has with my latest plan(s). I haven't committed myself to much, just the promise to research the hell out of two options of things I want to do with my life. One would mean blowing off grad school altogether, at least for now. The other would involve being helped by what I learn in grad school and using my connections through Wash U. to get it done.

Maybe researching my ideas will help rid myself of the feeling that I have so much creative potential and good ideas stuck inside me with no specific shape or outlet.

It's going to be an interesting year! Working, researching, paying for everything my self (no more half rent from daddy-o) and NOT being in school! I am excited....but I do still have until the week of my birthday for school to end.

I slaughtered two midterms today, one of which was my macroecon class. It feels really good to know I can be intelligent in subject areas outside of my interests, and helping my friend with his Missouri Lake Resorts website and other sites has been teaching me more about internet/web work. :)

Working out has been going really well....4 to 5 times a week and I am trying out a new two week plan, to switch it up. Technically I am training for a sprint distance triathlon at the end of the summer...though I have not started the swimming bit AT ALL. and while I am a strong swimmer, I am slow, and .5miles in a pool is a ton. If anyone has any ideas on how to make the training for that easier/ train smarter...lemme know.

This post is a perfect example of the millions of things running through my head at one given monent. :)

Going to the legendary Kingston Mines tonight. I have been 21 for almost a year, and it is about 2 blocks from my house, and this will be my 1st trip. Its a well-known blues joint. Your parents have heard of it.

Oh and last random though, facebook is creepy. You can really catch yourself becoming a stalker on accident. Like looking for a cute boy from your english class, and then realizing ten minutes later you've scanned his info, pictures, and are getting disgustingly interested in his linked blog. hahahaaa....not that this happened to me while I was taking a study break or anything. Yikes.

Payoff

It's a good feeling when the hard work you've put into something pays off.
I have always made school work a priority, and I slaved away over god-awful essays to write for my grad school applications....and it all worked out for me!
I got in to each of the 3 schools I applied to, and found out today about the 3rd...the one I wanted the most!!!!!
they gave me a good scholarship, and even though I am deferring a year, they say I'll get as much if not more when I reapply for the scholarships next winter.

Life is good. and what you make it.
Plus, closer to the MO lakes (much warmer than the lake I reside by currently)

Outlook, Fun.

While it may not be the smartest decision to stay in this city one year past graduation, while deferring graduate school- that's exactly what I am doing!
Mainly, I am not ready to move back home and to give up the life I have made for myself here over the past four years.
While I should be living at home and working to save for expensive-ass grad school...I just can't bring myself to do that.
Its also not like I expect to be in debt from graduate school long term. I have potential seething under the surface, and once I figure out my outlet- I have no doubt that I will be successful.

It's interesting the idea of success, and what to do after graduating college. I am sure anyone in this position feels the same way, like the world is upon you and there is this right and wrong way to do things---and its asking you which you will choose.
The best part about being a social science major and psychology in particular, is having studied people and why they feel compelled to make the choices they do.
deep, I know...but relevant to those of us in that stage of life


I think the best thing I can think of, or tell any of my friends is that life is never going to be what you plan it. So have fun, do what you love, and whatever will be will be.
I just have to look at my dad, and all the "lives" he's had- and its proof enough. :)

Success!

I am a master at Passover food.
I just tried my hand at two dishes and they turned out fabulously!
My friends liked it as well.
the only place I think it would have tasted better?
out on the boat dock of my family's Bull Shoals Lake house.
Its so peaceful out there. and this time of year it would have been just warm enough
to sit out at night with a sweater on.
:)

working girl

I got a 3rd job.
I am going to be a server.
I kind of feel like I gave up on something
but no other options existed.
It is just a year until I plan on being back in school
but I already feel like I am doing something wrong
in planning for that time.
Also, what if I am going to put my self in 60,000 dollars worth of
DEBT
for a degree I am not sure I want?

New plan.
save enough money
and run
away to france.
on the south coast,
and as long as my family comes
to visit
and my friends....I think I could just
live there and teach someone english
and have them teach me french more.
and live with the smell of the Mediterranean Sea on my clothes
and have a moped and let my hair get blond in the sun.

why do we have to pick something? I am not good at making decisions.

Dissolving

You're only young once. It really is true.
most of the time I feel as though I have taken enough advantage of that-
But, really, I haven't.
If only I didn't have a conscious
If only I didn't compare
everyone
to
you.

People can change.
it's a slow process
that gets slower on the days
you recognize the drag of time
between each second.
but still,
they can.
I will.


Jenga master-
a metaphor for god, hilarious

another name for left-handedness
reoccurring adoption themes
the first dinner I ever made
and you make it too
my mind is going to explode
from the amount of information
waiting to go in, and the collision
of the pieces already inside.